may 20, 2012
the dream, part one:
101 something in the city. Blue paint with gold lettering on glass. I think the garage door is some semi-dark wood. Helped a lady bring her grocery bags so she rewards me with a tour of her place. It’s huge. Like a hidden oasis it has space after space of different furniture arrangements, all for two people. All original vintage. The school desks situated opposite and next to each other, set for afternoon tea. The office desks set for writing checks. The place is laid out in a circle around a central courtyard.
The woman who appears to be in her mid to late 60s but looks much younger (i think that she’s had some work done on her face and clearly she works out) leads me further and to the back of the place. There, the house opens to the outside and out to his and hers swimming pools. Why else would there be two? There are several people enjoying the afternoon. They look at me and smile approvingly as if to say “she brings home strays all the time. Welcome.”
As I’m taking it all in, smiling like a fool, I turn to see that the woman has stripped down to just her panties and she is diving into the pool, telling me to follow her. And I notice that this second pool leads down a hill (somehow the water is constantly flowing) to the ocean. I don’t know what ocean.
I decide I have to follow her so I remove my clothes and keep my glasses on my face. Without my glasses I am blind. I dive in and swim after her. I hope she notices I’m wearing ray-bans. They are cool and look expensive, and I want to fit in. We follow the water (now in some channel flowing along the backs of the houses) to some central meeting place. There are many more wealthy folks here.
I think we have a small conversation. She leads me back to her home and we get out of the water. I follow her to an ancient stair and ladder that she climbs, still half-naked. I see how the climb increases greatly with difficulty but she makes it. The ladder is set into concrete and appears to hold on by sheer will alone. I know that once I am at the top with her in her secret room we will have sex. But I can’t bring myself to climb the ladder, fearing that it will dislodge and I will fall.
I wake up, and I feel disappointed in myself.
the dream, part two: I fall back asleep, desperately wanting to continue the dream where I left it. Instead I am back with the woman and she is showing me her incredible gardening workbench. It is neatly organized with every tool imaginable. She has individual fig flowers growing in separate pots. They look and act like seymour in LSOH. They require lots of attention. They are purple and green.
Rick is laying on a couch studying. I fear he is naked but he is wearing shorts. I don’t know why is there.
my thoughts: i think this is my fear of commitment coming to life. so many symbols here…the house, the elderly woman in a house for two, the feeling of guaranteed sex but the fear of taking the risks that come with it.
